Kali-ma, I call upon you as I overlook a field of slain relationships.
I seek your help to heal a part of me that is a martyr caregiver.
I have nurtured other peoples' pains, their unloved parts, their shadows.
Beyond being a force of healing, I have fed the shadows.
As I have recognized this fundamental aspect of a given relationship,
I have taken out my sword and cut the cord.
A sure sign of the codependency, I witness my appendage shriek, convulse, beg, blame, curse and abhor me.
I walk away to complete the kill,
my sword heavy and uncomfortable in my hand.
To protect myself, I steel myself in my resolution to let go and not turn back.
I am haunted by the shrieks of pain, my heart pained to not nurture the wounds.
I am often at a loss to know how to confront my own grief,
to heal my own wounds and to take my own responsibility
so that I can bravely evolve beyond the martyrdom-turned-killing-fields.
Make no mistake,
I have learned that those souls are struggling with narcissistic, attachment, abandonment wounds.
They fear that their wounds will never be healed and they suck energy and possess another to secure themselves.
And, make no mistake,
I have come to realize I hold those very same wounds.
I would rather be needed than needy,
and my ego feeds off of giving/healing/loving/nurturing.
I own my attempts to secure myself, cording myself to others
as I have sought to complete me.
Kali-ma, please help me release the guilt and shame for the role that I have played.
Please help me trust my own capacity to form relationships
in the field of healed relationship patterns.
I Am ready.
I declare:
I love Me.
I secure Me.
I complete Me.
I embrace my healthy relationships that are based in honesty, freedom, healthy detachment, personal responsibility, humor, kindness, help given when requested, help reciprocated.
I open my eyes and my heart to my relationships that are good enough.
I open my eyes to see the ordinary fabric of life that is my secure attachment.
When I allow myself,
I experience that I am cared for,
that I belong,
that a hand will appear to support my next step.
Whatever I need next for my soul’s growth is always lovingly Omnipresent.
I liberate myself to transmute my guilt into the stream of God’s given security and joy!
I AM secure.
I AM complete.
I AM loved.
I AM Love.
Now, the fields have dissolved.
The slain bodies have disappeared.
The guilt has been swept into the light.
I am restored to
my Spirit's truth
that
All is Well,
all is unfolding in our best interest
for mutual highest and greatest good
in our Oneness.
I breathe into the feeling of a lesson completed.
I Am grateful.
And so I Am.
And so it is.
Amen!
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