I never could understand,
how could you shut me down with such ease?
My sincere and open attempts to connect,
met with your dismissive comments.
With stealth gaslighting,
you would assert what I wanted and what I needed.
The countless number of times
I have shied away,
interpreting your desire for me to do so.
How easily I still get webbed
in self-doubt, confusion and anxiety
while you would focus and tend to the world
as you need it to be.
Without me in it?
I can shrink no more.
As atoms of light elements squeeze together,
from the compressed nuclei comes great powerful light!
From within my intuitive empathic sweet soul,
I expand my solar plexus powerhouse:
The gravity of my self declaration stabilizes the fusion of my expanding power,
And MY SUN is formed.
I say this for me now,
for even if I said it to you
it would not hold the medicine that it holds for me.
I will no longer be restrained
in my own self doubt.
I will no longer go quietly
behind another closed door
and try to take up less space
for anyone to take up more.
My “fuck you” explodes before me
like an energetic bomb,
shattering the illusion
of the prison in my retreat.
the walls of entrapment disintegrate,
I AM free.
From my embodied power, I expand!
In my freedom, I know who I AM.
When I know who I AM,
your behavior no longer harms me.
I love you.
And I see that you are asleep.
I see that you are wounded
and in pain
and while I may still hurt
from your disconnect,
I will no longer disconnect from myself.
I love myself!
I hug myself,
I soothe myself,
I embolden myself to be the star that I AM.
I walk out into the world and
I remember my super-STAR power:
When I begin to shrink,
I explode into my fusion
of self-determination and love.
I transmute my fuck you
I LOVE ME!
I LOVE ME,
so I can be true
to the sweet gentle powerful
You can find this prayer in this book, available for purchase:
Sacred Phoenix: Prayers to Awaken Your Divine Transformation