Out of nowhere, a catastrophic figurative tidal wave has pulverized my life. Tragedy has hit. My world has suddenly been turned upside down and inside out. Where I thought I was safe, I am now riddled internally and externally with a sense of peril, confusion, terror, exhaustion. I am so confused and scared: How can I feel so many feelings simultaneously? Anger, fear, intense vulnerability, helplessness, dismay… so so much fear… Where the fuck is the shock, the numbness… Anesthesia? Where the fuck is the internal heroine... who knows what to do next to deliver me, and all those who are living this nightmare with me? Where is the love, light, the way to guide me? How is it possible that I’m still standing, and waking up to another day of a fragmented life that I have no clue how to navigate?
Falling to my knees,
I pray for strength beyond my understanding
to help me take one breath at a time.
May I come to know that my job right now is not to find the
solutions, but to find pillars of protection, strength, love and
compassion
that can hold me
while the earth still quakes beneath me and inside me.
May I feel the sacred mother within me,
carrying me,
breathing me
until the actions of what to do next can surface.
I pray for the courage
to turn to others in my vulnerability
so that they can
soothe me,
calm me,
center me,
hold me,
help me.
I pray for the tenacity to declare what I am incapable of doing in the
moment, and that,
like a fire breathing dragon,
I can freely emit flames of refusal
as a way to express my needs for boundaries for my own self
preservation. I pray to trust my safe places where I can be foul,
or where I can be a puddle of wailing and screaming…
where I can put down my facade of having it all together.
I pray to surrender to heavenly Divine Love
which has never, and will never, leave me.
While I pray that You will temporarily dissolve me
and absolve me of this inner torment,
please hold and contain me until it is time for me to re-form.
I pray that my internal Divine Love will guide me through each
step, so that I can trust beyond my survival,
I will evidence who I AM.
I pray that while the goddess within strengthens my
backbone, that I will grow more steadfast in the truth of who
I AM,
for ME and for everyone that I love.
Whether my perseverance is as a flickering flame,
a roaring blaze,
or the energy of 1000 suns,
I will breathe into knowing that
my light can never be extinguished
and that my spiritual valor will deliver me.
This is my resolution:
I pray for these words to pray me until
I Am fully restored.
And so it is.
Amen
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