My deepest nature is shaped by my sensitivity, my empathy.
I register others experiences as my own.
From my earliest instinct, I gave care.
I have always sought to nurture, protect and heal others.
At the same time,
I Am also called to be a truth-teller
and from an inner fire,
I blaze ahead, calling-out uncomfortable truths, ghosts and skeletons.
I Am a loving agitator.
Often naive, I have been surprised by others’ reprimands and rejection instead of gratitude.
Crestfallen, I feel my fall from their graces.
Not only do I feel the resistance, the divide, the reversal
but I also experience the pain of being outcast (once again).
Denial gets protected,
and I am the one laden with making amends to fall back into the fold.
No longer can I concede to codependent anesthesia and stuckness.
No longer can I sympathize, enable, and temporarily tend to woundedness at our mutual cost.
So I stand my ground, as I stand alone.
Can you not see my loneliness as I forge ahead
determined to facilitate true healing and connection?
However, you may not feel seen
as your experienced hurt goes unreflected in my beliefs and actions.
I see the conundrum for us both.
I push because you are not ready,
and yet doesn’t someone need to call out the cracks?
I dream you would come to know that
what I really want most is core tribal safety
and determination to grow together.
I wish you could see that my challenges come from a place of deep love,
just as I see your resistance comes from a place of seeking safety.
I only wish that I could inspire you to see that the old tower we lived in no longer serves our highest good.
I want to chart new territory and have you join me in new paradigms.
As I forge ahead, my ongoing hope is that you will join me, driven by your own journey.
I imagine us sharing forgiveness, understanding and deep gratitude,
rechristening our kinship on higher ground.
As for now, I Am growing in the middle ground.
I care for my own vulnerability and insecurity
while still communicating my perceived truth.
I must honor my truth, as it is the power in my gift of being a loving agitator.
I steady myself to stay fully present when I am met with your disconnect.
I will stay my path of loving and honoring you exactly where you are at,
while I do not personalize your reactions.
I lovingly tend to my own feelings of rejection as I validate my tender sweet inner-empath.
I cheer and celebrate my tenacious spirit!
I turn to kindred spirits who can see and love me
for all of who I Am.
And, I hold onto hope
that we may one day actualize relationships where vulnerability is prized
and where we all communicate our heart-felt truths,
so that we may fully connect with tender loving care
and forge brave new growth,
So May It Be!
You can find this prayer in this book, available for purchase: